<h3 id="56db7f7b-819f-4a42-9b52-05355a92c666" data-toc-id="56db7f7b-819f-4a42-9b52-05355a92c666" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Introduction</h3>My previous article was about the art of relaxation. This article follows naturally from that. Relaxation creates space. Space to feel, to listen and to reconnect with yourself.From that space, a new question naturally arises: Where do I actually stand?Taking your place means learning to stand in the flow of life. Not by making yourself bigger than you are. And not by making yourself smaller either. But by being present in the place that is yours at this moment.For most people, this is a journey. It has been that way for me too. As a leader, coach and trainer, I have repeatedly had to explore what my place is. What belongs to me? What does not belong to me? Where may I take responsibility? And where do I need to let go?In this process, you encounter old patterns. Perhaps you are used to working hard, carrying a lot, adapting yourself, rescuing others, fighting or withdrawing. At the same time, life keeps bringing new insights. Precisely when you dare to look at your place, more calm, clarity and strength often emerge. <h3 id="5bd162d2-1d80-4030-98b8-78a1557162a4" data-toc-id="5bd162d2-1d80-4030-98b8-78a1557162a4" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Why taking your place matters</h3>I work a lot with people who, like me, have grown from the work floor into new roles and responsibilities. People who have built their careers through craftsmanship, commitment and the willingness to carry responsibility.These are powerful qualities. You know the work. You understand the practice. You are willing to put your shoulder to the wheel.But in leadership, coaching and training, you often encounter developmental themes connected to finding, accepting and taking your place. The qualities that once brought you so much may suddenly begin to work against you in a new position.Where you were once appreciated for joining in and helping, you now need to provide direction.Where you once solved problems, you now need to help others take responsibility.Where you were once part of the group, you now also represent another position.Where you once carried a lot yourself, you now need to learn how to set boundaries, delegate and trust.What is actually happening is that life is asking you to take a next step. Often, that step lies just beyond the comfort zone of your existing qualities.The inner resistance you feel at such moments is usually connected to your need for safety, control and certainty. This resistance can express itself as judgement. Judgement about employees who need more guidance. About colleagues who do not move along. About management or the board who, in your view, do not see things clearly. Or about yourself, because you believe you should be able to do better.Judgement gives temporary support. But beneath that judgement often lies a deeper question:Am I still standing in my own place? <h3 id="b72cc0c2-c72f-4f3a-b5fe-fc0179282e03" data-toc-id="b72cc0c2-c72f-4f3a-b5fe-fc0179282e03" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Finding, accepting and taking your place</h3>It helps to distinguish between three movements: finding your place, accepting your place and taking your place.Finding your place is about awareness. You explore where you stand, what role you have, what your responsibility is and what is not.Accepting your place is about inner permission. Can you bow to how it is? Can you acknowledge what you have received and what you have missed? Can you stop fighting the fact that life was not perfect?Taking your place is about embodied action. You speak up. You take responsibility. You set boundaries. You remain connected. You carry what is yours and leave with the other what belongs to the other.In this sense, taking your place is not a one-time decision, but an ongoing practice. Every new phase of life, every new role and every significant change invites you to explore your place again. <h3 id="1cf4e789-e189-47ff-9d72-a4204a3bfa33" data-toc-id="1cf4e789-e189-47ff-9d72-a4204a3bfa33" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Looking at place systemically</h3>Within systemic work, people often speak about order: the underlying principles through which relationships, families, groups and organisations can experience more calm, clarity and flow.I do not use the word order here as a rigid system of rules. It is not about obedience or hierarchy for the sake of hierarchy. It is about perceiving reality as it is.What came earlier?What came later?Who carries which responsibility?Who belongs?Which place is mine?Which place belongs to the other?Els van Steijn describes this in an accessible way through the metaphor of the fountain. In a fountain, water flows from top to bottom, from earlier generations to later generations. From a systemic perspective, you can explore whether you are standing in your own place in that fountain, or whether you have unconsciously taken a place that is not truly yours.You can also use this metaphor in organisations. There is an order in roles, responsibilities, history and position. Who came earlier, who came later, who leads, who carries out, who is the client and who is the contractor.When this order is not acknowledged, unrest often arises. People begin to carry what is not theirs, take over responsibilities that do not belong to them, or withdraw from the responsibility that does belong to their place.Taking your place does not mean that you accept everything or say yes to everything. It means learning to act from your own place. You can give feedback. You can set boundaries. You can make a difference. But you do so without placing yourself above or below the other.From the perspective of Transactional Analysis, you could say: from the life position “I’m OK, you’re OK.”Not: I am better and you need to change.Not: you are better and I need to adapt.But: I am OK, you are OK, and from that equality we can explore what is needed. <h3 id="69622276-ce3f-4b95-b343-f2c33dc5f87b" data-toc-id="69622276-ce3f-4b95-b343-f2c33dc5f87b" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Your place in organisations</h3>As a professional in organisations, it is often useful to pause and reflect on how you once took your place at home.That may sound personal, but it is often surprisingly relevant. Many professional patterns have an older layer. What you once learned in your family system, you often unconsciously bring into work relationships.If you were used to carrying a lot of responsibility as a child, you may later easily take on too many tasks.If you tried to keep the atmosphere calm, you may avoid conflict. If you had to prove yourself in order to be seen, you may continue to work hard even when that is no longer necessary.If you judged one of your parents, you may later struggle with leaders, clients or authority.In general, parents give their children everything they are able to give. At the same time, many people experience that, as a child, they missed something they deeply longed for. That is often where your individuality becomes visible.What you missed can later become a longing.What you received can later become a quality.What you carried can later become a pattern.What you overcame can later become a source of wisdom.Finding your place often begins with accepting how you once encountered life. Not perfect. Sometimes heavy. Sometimes confusing. And yet: it is what it is.Bowing, in this sense, does not mean approving of what was not right. It means acknowledging that it was as it was. You stop negotiating inwardly with the past. This releases energy for the present.You bow to what came before.You acknowledge your origin.You take with you what has shaped you.And then you turn toward the life that lies ahead of you. <h3 id="b83269fe-b615-4013-9d5c-c1b7d9a2fd4c" data-toc-id="b83269fe-b615-4013-9d5c-c1b7d9a2fd4c" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Taking your place as a leader, coach or trainer</h3>For leaders, coaches and trainers, taking your place is essential.A leader who is not standing in their place will often compensate. They may rescue, control, convince, please, avoid or force. A leader who is standing in their place can stay close without taking over. They can set boundaries without judging. They can provide direction without entering into a power struggle.This connects with Secure Base Leadership, as described by George Kohlrieser, Susan Goldsworthy and Duncan Coombe. A secure base leader offers both connection and challenge. People feel safe enough to learn, take risks and carry responsibility.Psychological safety also plays an important role here. Amy Edmondson describes psychological safety as a team climate in which people can speak up, ask questions, discuss mistakes and contribute ideas without fear of humiliation or punishment.But psychological safety does not mean that everything becomes soft, easy or noncommittal. Precisely when people stand clearly in their place, space is created for honesty, feedback and growth. Safety and responsibility belong together.As a coach or trainer, taking your place requires an additional layer of awareness. You are not the rescuer of the other person. You do not have to carry the other person’s life. You do not have to prove how good you are. You are present as a guide, from expertise, attention and clear boundaries.Your place is not above the other.Your place is not below the other either.Your place is beside the other, within a clear professional role.From there, you can truly be of service. <h3 id="ee2ca71b-73c9-4c96-892e-7f9aec9a3d65" data-toc-id="ee2ca71b-73c9-4c96-892e-7f9aec9a3d65" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Short reflection exercise</h3>Take a quiet moment. Breathe deeply in and out a few times. Feel your feet on the ground.Bring to mind a professional situation in which you notice tension, judgement or inner resistance.Then ask yourself the following questions:• Where do I stand in this situation?• What is my role?• Which responsibility is mine?• Which responsibility is not mine?• Where am I trying to carry too much?• Where am I holding myself back?• What happens when I respect the place of the other?• What becomes my next step when I remain fully in my own place?Then notice what changes in your body. Perhaps more calm arises. Perhaps a boundary becomes clearer. Perhaps you feel that something needs to be spoken.A helpful sentence may be:“I take my place. I carry what is mine. I leave with the other what belongs to the other.” <h3 id="7808559c-988f-4f2c-8c14-3105074ad61b" data-toc-id="7808559c-988f-4f2c-8c14-3105074ad61b" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">Summary</h3>Taking your place is a dynamic process. It asks for self-awareness, courage, gentleness and the willingness to change. It is not a technique and not an endpoint. It is an ongoing practice of alignment.Finding your place is about awareness.Accepting your place is about acknowledgement.Taking your place is about embodied action.When you take your place, you no longer need to fight so much against what is. You can see more clearly what is yours and what is not. You can take responsibility without rescuing. You can set boundaries without judging. You can remain connected without losing yourself.This is important in families, but also in organisations, teams, leadership, coaching and training. Especially in a professional context, it helps to stand firmly in your own place. Not as a position of power over others, but as an inner position of clarity, responsibility and connection.In a rapidly changing world, taking your place offers not only an anchor, but also a compass. An anchor, because you remain steadier when the environment moves. A compass, because you can better sense which direction is right.In this way, space emerges. For yourself. For the other. For the system. And for the movement of life that wants to take shape through you.<h3 id="491d124b-1af3-4ac8-b611-0951d6f91baf" data-toc-id="491d124b-1af3-4ac8-b611-0951d6f91baf" style="font-size: 20px; line-height: 1.2;">References and sources of inspiration</h3><hr>1.	Els van Steijn, The Fountain, Find Your Place — on systemic work, family systems and the metaphor of the fountain.2.	Bert Hellinger, Orders of Love — on systemic order, place, belonging and balance within families and human systems.3.	John Bowlby, A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development — on attachment, safety and the secure base as a starting point for development.4.	George Kohlrieser, Susan Goldsworthy &amp; Duncan Coombe, Care to Dare — on Secure Base Leadership, connection, trust and challenge.5.	Amy C. Edmondson, The Fearless Organization — on psychological safety, learning, feedback and open communication in teams.6.	Robert Kegan &amp; Lisa Lahey, Immunity to Change — on inner resistance, hidden beliefs and developmental processes.

A reflective and practical article about taking your place in life and work. About staying connected, acting autonomously, taking responsibility and letting go of what is not yours to carry.

Taking your place | ISEMI Opleidingen

Taking your place

Taking your place as a leader, coach or trainer

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Taking your place

Taking your place

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